Catching Up

Everything has been a whirlwind. I don't know how time could fly by so fast. Matteo is almost two months old, and I haven't even had the chance to document his first month. He has changed so much in the past few weeks, and luckily, I have also been adjusting to not having enough sleep and taking care of a baby round the clock. Good thing I've been getting a lot of help from family, or else I don't know how I'd be able to eat, let alone take a shower. 

I made the announcement on Facebook a week after I'd given birth, and edited a photo to reflect Matteo's birth info. It was still hard to take a photo of him facing the camera so I had to make do with him facing sideways.

We celebrated Matteo's first month by getting a huge mango cake. I hoped for a nicer photo with the cake, but of course it was futile since babies can't exactly sit up by themselves. 

Finally got a photo of him semi-smiling

Close-up photo. Look at those cheeks!

Last Saturday, I left the house for a couple of hours without Matteo in tow. It was an odd feeling not having him within hearing distance, but it was nice getting out of the house without worrying about where to find a place to change a dirty diaper. I missed Matteo, of course,  and the two and a half hours felt that I've been gone for much longer. 

Before leaving, I made sure to feed Matteo and pump enough milk to last him for at least three hours, just in case it took me a while to get home. Good thing I also had frozen breastmilk left over from his stay at the IMCU (more on that later) so I didn't worry too much about Matteo going hungry. I don't know how other moms do it, though. I feel sad for those who don't have any other option but to leave their baby at home with someone else because they have to work. 

I think that's enough catching up for now. I still have tons of stuff to do because I have two projects lined up, one of which is my own clothing line. Can't wait!

Of New Beginnings

Having a newborn has definitely made me see things from a different perspective. My priorities have changed and are now geared towards what's best for Matteo. I realized how easy it was for me before, when I had no one to take care of but myself. I could eat, sleep, go out and do whatever it was I wanted, whenever I wanted. I spent most of my time working - my obsessive-compulsive self did not want to leave anything unfinished, so I worked until I was 9 months pregnant. I was even sending emails while I was in the labor room (the nurse was nice enough to let me have my phone while I was waiting to give birth)! 

In spite of that, leaving my job was something that I felt I had to do, and although it made me feel a bit sad, it was an easy decision to make. Sure, it would be difficult especially since I won't have a stable income every month, but I didn't want to entrust Matteo's care to a nanny. We've all heard  horror stories about children being mistreated by their caregivers, and I didn't want any of that to happen to my kid. 

Still, I can't help but feel a bit sad about leaving work. I loved my job. I loved seeing planes parked at the hangar everyday as I came in to work. I'm going to miss wearing my gray uniform that fit me perfectly, and that shade of bright red lipstick that we were always required to wear. I'd even miss having to constantly remind cabin crew to smile and be nice to passengers. Most of all, I'd miss my colleagues - they were such a happy bunch and sometimes, it didn't feel like we were at an office at all. 

There was a time that I got tired of flying, but I know that someday, I'd yearn for the feeling of having coffee 20,000 feet up in the air and interacting with passengers however demanding they may be. 

I chanced upon this quote by Paulo Coelho which made me feel a bit better:

I never thought that I'd ever leave PAL express, and right now, I'm feeling uncertain of what's to come. However, change is inevitable and I know that I must be brave enough to say goodbye to my comfort zone and to what I've come to know and love for the past five years. It's time for me to face the future with open arms.

After all, motherhood is my next great adventure.