Of New Beginnings

Having a newborn has definitely made me see things from a different perspective. My priorities have changed and are now geared towards what's best for Matteo. I realized how easy it was for me before, when I had no one to take care of but myself. I could eat, sleep, go out and do whatever it was I wanted, whenever I wanted. I spent most of my time working - my obsessive-compulsive self did not want to leave anything unfinished, so I worked until I was 9 months pregnant. I was even sending emails while I was in the labor room (the nurse was nice enough to let me have my phone while I was waiting to give birth)! 

In spite of that, leaving my job was something that I felt I had to do, and although it made me feel a bit sad, it was an easy decision to make. Sure, it would be difficult especially since I won't have a stable income every month, but I didn't want to entrust Matteo's care to a nanny. We've all heard  horror stories about children being mistreated by their caregivers, and I didn't want any of that to happen to my kid. 

Still, I can't help but feel a bit sad about leaving work. I loved my job. I loved seeing planes parked at the hangar everyday as I came in to work. I'm going to miss wearing my gray uniform that fit me perfectly, and that shade of bright red lipstick that we were always required to wear. I'd even miss having to constantly remind cabin crew to smile and be nice to passengers. Most of all, I'd miss my colleagues - they were such a happy bunch and sometimes, it didn't feel like we were at an office at all. 

There was a time that I got tired of flying, but I know that someday, I'd yearn for the feeling of having coffee 20,000 feet up in the air and interacting with passengers however demanding they may be. 

I chanced upon this quote by Paulo Coelho which made me feel a bit better:

I never thought that I'd ever leave PAL express, and right now, I'm feeling uncertain of what's to come. However, change is inevitable and I know that I must be brave enough to say goodbye to my comfort zone and to what I've come to know and love for the past five years. It's time for me to face the future with open arms.

After all, motherhood is my next great adventure.