On Motherhood

Matteo is 17 days old today, which means that I have been a mother for a little over two weeks. As I sit here contemplating on what this entails, I glance at Matteo beside me, hoping that I would get to finish this entry before he wakes up (I don't, btw).

I'm starting this blog so that I can at least try to document this milestone in my life, in the hopes that I would look back years from now and get to laugh at myself and how difficult it seemed at first, but then eventually coming to the realization (hopefully) that all I need to do is to take it one day at a time.

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Oh, motherhood. It's not as rosy as it seems. What you pictured in your head as picture-perfect, fun times with your gurgling, happy baby are soon replaced by images of sleepless nights, dirty diapers, non-stop crying, and the fact that the possibility of a decent bath may now be millions of light years away.

No amount of parenting books on what to expect, online articles on how to get everything ready before the baby's birth, YouTube videos on how to correctly latch and breastfeed,  and (unsolicited) advice from well-meaning family and friends could have prepared me for this. Realizing that you're now responsible for another human being is overwhelming, to say the least. Yes, I was ready to change smelly diapers, get peed and vomited on, and have this little person depend on me for sustenance...but, no matter the expectation, the reality is that you can never prepare enough for the arrival of a baby in your once organized life.

Motherhood is a whole different ball game, I can at least tell you that. I sometimes lie awake worrying that the baby isn't breathing properly, that I have to get up from bed and watch his chest rise and fall, or put my ear close to his mouth to listen to the sound of his breathing just so I can assure myself that he's okay. Every little rash, cry, or jerky movement is a cause for concern, and what follows is a frantic Google search to appease myself that all is well and I do not have to make a mad dash to the emergency room with the little one in tow. 

However, having Matteo is something that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. His unexpected smiles, coos and aahs, and that sweet, sweet smell of a newborn baby are definitely to be cherished and enjoyed. Cuddling and carrying him, even in the wee hours of the morning, are worth it. I look forward to his milestones - his first word, first steps, first time to eat solid food, first everything - that I'm worried that I'll become the typical helicopter parent (which I will resist, but no promises there).

I never thought my heart could be so full of love for a tiny human being, but Matteo has now become a huge part on what makes my life une belle vie. A beautiful life, indeed.